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20 April 2010 @ 02:01 pm
 
Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.
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(Anonymous) on April 20th, 2005 10:36 pm (UTC)
You asked for it, here is my really big rant.
I think I have serious issues. Very serious issues. I say that I want a relationship, in fact I pity myself every once and a while because I don't have what everyone around me has. But I always sabatge anything that might happen. Or, I decide I don't want them anymore. I'm not sure if this is because I have high standards, if I like feeling sorry for myself, or I am just a huge commitment-phobe. There, that is my story for the moment. Oh and I lead boys on, the boys I know that I will never want (never ones that I have any interest in, them I am genuinely interested) I want them to want me, so I flirt a little, just to make them want me so that I feel good about myself. I guess realizing it is the first step to fixing it huh? Well, I realize it and I don't like it about myself. I want to be functional damnit.
Another thing. I kind of dislike hanging out with a few of my friends. Why? because they are beautiful. Because whenever I hang out with them I feel like I am inadaquite (spelling?). I hate that too, why can't I just enjoy their friendship? That would be so much better.I should stop writing or I am going to give away who I am and that would suck, these are things I definitely want to keep to myself, or atleast to myself so no one knows who I am.
(Anonymous) on August 9th, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)
Re: You asked for it, here is my really big rant.
I agree with you on the whole boy issue. Sometimes I think I love being a heartbreaker, but other times I know that's not the kind of girl I want to be.
(Anonymous) on April 24th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC)
Marry me?
malainse on April 26th, 2005 07:16 am (UTC)
I'm with child-- no one knows and I am not going to carry it to term.
(Anonymous) on April 26th, 2005 07:18 am (UTC)
Im terrified of intimacy,, in a wide, sweeping sense.
malainse on April 26th, 2005 07:19 am (UTC)
ok, ok, i was just kidding. it was on themurry episode i was watching. A real secret? I paid for my parents devorce.
(Anonymous) on May 31st, 2005 06:37 pm (UTC)
i want to fall in love so much but i don't know what to do to make the guy i want to notice me. i love him! i really do! he hates me, i pretend i hate him. we've been hating each other for four years! when he saw me in second grade, he started hating me, but i never did anything to him. i love him, i do...someday i hope we will fall in love together and just be happy. my friends think he likes me because of all the 'signs' he showed to me. i think he might like me, some guys tell me he likes me too. i love him! i want him to know! i don't have the nerve to tell him though. i think he knows that i like him and i know that he likes me, but neither of us will admit it! i love him, i really do...
(Anonymous) on June 28th, 2005 10:31 am (UTC)
I have acne and I hate it. I feel like guys dont like me because of it. I feel like everyone likes all of my friends and not me because of it. Nothing I do helps it go away. I mean its not horrible, but its noticeable. I like posting pictures of myself online because everyone tells me I'm beautiful, and they cant see the acne that much. I dont know what to do to make it go away. It really affects my self esteem a lot. I feel like if I didnt have it my life would be so much different. It really sucks.
(Anonymous) on August 9th, 2005 01:26 am (UTC)
I had the exact same problem. I went to my regular doctor (not derm.) and she gave me Benzaclin and Differin Gel. My face was almost perfectly clear in a week, no lie.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on October 30th, 2007 08:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on June 29th, 2005 01:42 pm (UTC)
Pardon me while I go all OCD for a little while.
Ahh the joys of anonymous posting.

I think I have gotten a lot prettier in the last couple of months, I think. I mean, ever since I was in about 8th grade I have thought of myself as the "bigger girl," and I have dressed as such. You know what I mean? I would buy things to conceal this and cover up that. I never liked tank-tops and I didn't like skirts. But now I wear all of these things and I have noticed that the people I hang out with are not all that much smaller than I am. Though I don't know if I really believe all of this or if I am trying to convince myself that I really do look better. Apparentlythough, no one else that I have ever known realy thought of me as "the bigger girl." Which I find weird.

Another thing, the only people who are telling me that i look better are girls, why do guys not notice these things? Or if they do notice they are the creepy guys that I don't want to be interested in me. I don't want any more creepy guys to hit on me, I am done with that. If they would just go away that would be nice.

God, I sound so neurotic. I'm really not that crazy, I have been told by several people. Apparently I am not very girly and I don't have all that many insecurities. Many people have told me this, my opinion of that is that they just don't know me very well, that or I just put up big giant walls and don't let anyone in. Who knows? I don't know.
(Anonymous) on June 30th, 2005 02:21 pm (UTC)
I'm bisexual.
I went in for a job interview, and wrote a poem about a girl that worked there. I had barely talked to her, I mean, she handed me a pen and a piece of paper to fill out paperwork with. But I went home and wrote about her like I really, really knew her. I have a boyfriend, but I'm so lustful for women it's not even funny.
(Anonymous) on July 8th, 2005 02:23 pm (UTC)
So there is this guy. I totally know that he would be so bad for me, but I want him anyway. And when I say he would be bad for me, I mean, he would be REALLY bad for me. Besides the point that he is what, 4 years younger than me, he really needs to grow up on his own, without an attachment to anyone. I think I want to wait until he has done that or something. I don't know... also, I'm really good friends with him, so I don't want to do this while he's going through this big change, because if I get involved with him any time soon it will totally be short lived, and I don't want that. I'm insane... I don't know why I felt the need to post about that, it really isn't that big of a deal.
(Anonymous) on July 8th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
So, I really don't know who I am any more. I used to consider myself thje intellectual type, but now I know so many people who are much more intellectual than I am, and I have discovered that, yes I do like reading a lot, but I love pointless plotlines and the stories that are out there, not the overly intellectual, boring books. I love plotlines, I love to get caught up in the lives of other, fictional people. So I am really not the intellectual. I'm not sporty in any sense of the word, I'm not a pounk rocker, I like some indy music, buyt I hate the whole "Oh, you like something mainstream, you are a traitor to the indy way of life" thing, it is so stupid. I have been becoming more aware of appearence recently and dressing nicer and working out and everything, but when I was in highscool the girls that were so overly aware of their appearence drove me crazy, I mean I thought they should do more than think about how much they weigh and what they were wearing. So now that I am aware of these things I feel like I am betraying myself or something. I don't know. Why do I feel like i have to classify myself? Ugh this is dumb, I should just do what I like to do and enjoy myself and not worry about classifying everything.
(Anonymous) on July 9th, 2005 09:07 pm (UTC)
Chocolate is good for you... Like you couldent guess who this is :S
(Anonymous) on July 26th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
I want to have meaningless sex.
I'm tired of everything being so serious.
(Anonymous) on September 10th, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
I am starting to deeply miss the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with. His deployment in Iraq will have ended in a week or two and I am desperate to call him and see how he is.
(Anonymous) on September 12th, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC)
BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pooop u smell kinda lol

sighned one of ur

"BFF"
(Anonymous) on November 4th, 2005 01:02 am (UTC)
last year, i met this girl.
we both had boyfriends at the time.
we got drunk, and kissed. a lot
and it carried on for about a month.
she was practically my girlfriend.


when we got back to college, she said she was straight. it broke me in half.

since then i've broken up with my boyfriend and became a full-on lesbian
(Anonymous) on March 10th, 2006 09:15 pm (UTC)

i don't like guys until i can't have them.
i've ruined 3 of my relationships with amazing people who i loved to death becasue i have stolen or hooked up with their boyfriends.
i hate myself for it.


(Anonymous) on April 4th, 2006 12:02 am (UTC)
Say what you want about this.
I'm not racist, i'm just sheltered. I live in a 95 % white town. No diversity. I'm going to college next year and I'm worried my roomate is going to be black or hispanic and i'm not sure how i would deal with that. All i know are white personalities.
(Anonymous) on March 11th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC)
I'm white and I lived in a very diverse place, I've moved to a town with about 15% minorites. I don't know how to act around all these white people. I don't want them to think I'm a wangsta. This is just how I act.
(Anonymous) on May 27th, 2006 12:14 am (UTC)
There is a guy I love but he doesn't love me back. I would do anything to keep in contact with him, have the friendship the way it used to be.
We aren't talking/friends anymore, but I dont know what I did wrong.
(Anonymous) on June 22nd, 2006 09:13 pm (UTC)
When I was a girl I used to dream of being extraordinary. I wanted to disappear through the back of my wardrobe, down a rabbit hole, through some inter-stellar portal. I always knew that it was impossible and all a fantasy, but for some reason, now that I'm all grown up, I'm incredibly disapointed by just how mundane life is.
(Anonymous) on July 16th, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)
life is only mundane if you make it that way.
(Anonymous) on July 13th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC)
God, I hope it really does post Anonymous. I would die otherwise. Or just delete it and let you know my secrets and confessions.

Okay, so there is this guy I keep telling myself I don't like anymore. Last year, we got really close and he was so caring. He gave me great advice and made me think about things differently, or about things I normally wouldn't. One of the first few times we hung out last year, I confessed I like him. He said he likes me too, but that nothing could ever happen between us. (We knew/know each other for the last 5-ish years. Just got extremely close, always hanging out, talking on the phone, online, whatever that all was last year.
Since it was too weird for us to actually go out, it was just a very close friendship, that well...was still weird. He used to tell everyone he didn't like me, which hurt but his actions and the way he cared for me and the things he said...I couldn't believe it. Plus, he never straight up told me he didn't like me...he did tell me he liked me. I was confused. Shit, I am still confused by the whole thing.
He would pick "nothing fights" with me. Saying things like I'm annoying, lame, things that really hurt. We'd stop talking for a bit, then were just as close as before the fights. He did this every few months or so until more recently: he cut all contact with me and did one of his nothing fights, using the same excuse as before. I'm annoying, blah blah blah...I can't even *remember* what he said (online no less) because he's told me all that before. I didn't even cry over it. It was more like "okay. whatever"

Only well, now, a few friends brought him up in conversation randomly. When I hear his name, I get this pull in my stomach and my heart races. I've loved guys before and never felt that, even with crushes. After all we went through, after all he said to me, I still feel that butterfly-esque feeling.
I really don't know what to do about it. I've attempted contact twice recently with no response as of yet.
I have this feeling like he's just going to tell me to "fuck off" or say something extremely hurtful to me. I'm so stupid for trying to talk to him again. I wanted to try to get in touch with him, and now that I did...I'm scared. I doubt I'm even "good enough" for him to waste time to tell me to fuck off or whatever..chances are I will never see him or hear from him again.

I've never told him I love him. I keep telling myself I don't...but why do I feel butterflies or get oddly excited? after five years? after he's hurt me?
I guess I should give up. And really, I'm not going to try anymore. If he doesn't ever talk to me again, I can live with that. It's fine by me. I have a feeling like I will always miss him and wonder how he's doing, I only wish he felt like that.

I wouldn't know what to say to him even if he did call me or whatever. I don't like this feeling anymore. I should have just left it alone.



damn, that's long.
But I guess...
everything will happen as it is supposed to.

here's to hoping for the best!
(or learning to cope with the worst)
(Anonymous) on July 13th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
There is this website with really stupid cards for every day of the whole year. Each day there is something stupid like Go Fly a Kite Day or Chocolate Ice Cream Day. Then there are some really weird ones.
At the beginning of this year, I filled out about four or five of those to be sent to a girl I was very close with at the time. They are to be delivered on the day of whatever weird shit it is. I just got confirmation of when the cards are going to be sent. One is this saturday, the rest are throughout Aug.
Problem is, I haven't really been friends with this girl since January (when I filled them out...) so yeah, haven't talked in like 7 months, but she's going to start getting these emails from me. Greeeeaaaat. How fucking annoying are those cards to start with? Can you imagine getting them for a few times in one month from someone you don't like?
I mean, we were close all through high school and then...well, I'm not sure what happened.
doesn't matter, I dont want those cards sent out and don't know how to stop them. Guess I just have to suffer the consequences of being an idiot.
(Anonymous) on August 4th, 2007 04:19 am (UTC)
I personally think the e-mails sound sweet, even if I hadn't talked to a boy for seven months. If I recieved those e-mails I would think it was cute. And who knows? Maybe you'll start talking to each other again!
(Anonymous) on July 14th, 2006 10:46 am (UTC)
I got a boyfriend, about 6 days ago.
He is really sweet and everything.
But I am his longest, so far.
He hasn't even pashed a girl.
and is trying to get over Chronic fatigue..
and he says that the only thing that keeps him sane is gaming.
I havn't seen him since we started going out.
I really like him.
but I dont know what to do..

He really needs someone to trust..
I dont know what to do.. or how to do it..
Sometimes he is too busy gaming..

He isnt the best bf.. but he has the potential..
(Anonymous) on July 25th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
I'm seeing a man at least 10 years older than me (I don't even know how old he is), and none of my friends know. His age is a huge turn on.
(Anonymous) on July 26th, 2006 05:57 am (UTC)
I am afraid of failing so much that I half-ass stuff.
I really don't like being around people alot- it pisses me off more than anything. My old friends expect me to act like I did before, and I don't want to because that is not me- it really sucks

I am jealouse of anyone in a relationship-yet i fear intimacy and letting people get to know me.